Figurative Language

Figurative language can be used to help enhance your sentences so readers have a better feel of what you are trying to relay in your story.  Comparisons are a common tool used when describing one of the five senses.  When using comparisons, make sure that you don't fall into the routine of using cliches (i.e. ran like the wind, clear as glass, etc.).

An exercise to try on improving your essay.

1. Pick a few sentences from your essay with sensory details.
2. Rewrite three more sentences with varying comparisons (avoiding cliches)
3. Show three sentences to peers and pick the best sentence.

Here are some examples from an old essay.

1. The air feels warm and humid.
1. The air is like a sauna starting to warm the room.
2. The air always had a touch of summer in it.
3. Cold would be absent from here like water in a desert.

2. Trade winds lazily drift through the area keeping it cool.
1. Trade winds like cool silk drift across the expanse that is Rocky Hill.
2. The trade winds fight against the heat while we work.
3. Trade winds act like natural AC in a classroom.

3. A small terraced pond with lily pads would be the last thing you see, with its lily pads on one terrace and taro plants on the other.
1. The last thing you would see is a small terraced pond with platform-like lily pads with a patch of taro plants that have leaves like elephant ears.
2. In a terraced lily pond, lily pads float on the surface like inner tubes in a pool next to a patch of taro plants.
3. A taro plants bend gracefully over with leaves like hearts in a terraced lily pond along with lily pads. 

Here is the critique received.

1. The air feels warm and humid.
1. The air is like a sauna starting to warm the room. [<I have heard this expression before, so it is a cliché.]
2. The air always had a touch of summer in it. [<I really like this sentence.  It is elegant and original.]
3. Cold would be absent from here like water in a desert.

2. Trade winds lazily drift through the area keeping it cool.
1. Trade winds like cool silk drift across the expanse that is Rocky Hill. [I would delete the underlined part, but otherwise it is fantastic.  That simile is unique, and it gives a good, tangible image of the winds.  Good!]
2. The trade winds fight against the heat while we work.
3. Trade winds act like natural AC in a classroom.

3. A small terraced pond with lily pads would be the last thing you see, with its lily pads on one terrace and taro plants on the other.
1. The last thing you would see is a small terraced pond with platform-like lily pads with a patch of taro plants that have leaves like elephant ears.
2. In a terraced lily pond, lily pads float on the surface like inner tubes in a pool next to a patch of taro plants. [<I like the active verb “float,” and the simile instantly gave me an image.  Good job!]
3. A taro plants bend gracefully over with leaves like hearts in a terraced lily pond along with lily pads. [I like the personification and active verb “bend.”  (Noun-verb agreement needs to be worked out.)]